They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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