Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize