coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
It was confusing and full of hummus
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
