I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I believe in your delicious
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
