it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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