Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
