i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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