Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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