This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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