my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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