What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
