I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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