Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
