It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize