using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
