my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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