I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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