Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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