dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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