i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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