my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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