My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
