no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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