so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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