I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
