I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
