I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
