meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize