you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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