He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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