well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
