It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
