I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
