Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
