I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
