....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
