im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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