1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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