Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
