you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
why is half of my head shaved?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
