I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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