someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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