nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
