mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
