Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
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