Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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