We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
