we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
