my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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