you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
