Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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