I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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