highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
