I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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