I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize