My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
