this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
