Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize