Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
