I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
