I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
