Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I want her autograph on my taint
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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