Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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