I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
