I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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