So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
