that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
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