I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
