Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
