First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
