Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
