Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
