Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
