You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
