gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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