You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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