Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
