GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
