i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
